i submit to you this note, written by my housemate in a drunken deed of brilliance and rage and subsequently posted on our refrigerator:

should you find yourself unable to read this poor rendering of this masterpiece of rambling passive aggression, i have transcribed it for you below.

“heya palace peeps,

i don’t know about you, but i for one, stand for old school values. the kind that existed before our global quest for skeletal androgyny became the norm. where men [were] manly men, women [were] curvaceous, luscious beings, and the homosexuals were flaming.

i subscribe to the ideal of the manly man. the hairy manly man. i don’t have much choice, really.

part of the deal in being such a manly (cough hairy cough) man is that you get hot and sweaty often. you want – no, you need some cold water to cool you down. like the bottle of cold water that lives on the bottom shelf, for example. please don’t touch that.

thaaaaaaaanks

p[h]at

yeast paste and wisdom:

“i am a happy little vegemite this fine friday morning. i just found a big jar of vegemite at the corner store - not an every day purchase in phnom penh, cambodia. my cheeks are rosy with thoughts of the long weekend ahead. actually this week the rosiness has varied, from a soft pink on monday to a raging red by wednesday as the australian government’s budget broke long standing promises to help the world’s poor. 

we are so lucky for vegemite - appreciation of it is part of being australian. born in the “lucky country” we have abundant supplies of bread, vegemite, coal and iron ore. things that make us strong and rich! but not every country has these wonderful resources so we should remember how lucky we are, and that it won’t last forever! 

it is okay to share our wealth with others - as in the past when australia supported thailand, korea and china with aid - they are now among our biggest trading partners… this support benefits current and future relationships, and helps developing countries to raise bright, healthy people. so this weekend as you butter your toast and spread the vegemite, spread it generously and remember those less fortunate. luckily enough we all get fridays… have a good one folks!”

- mr ron, aka aaron watson

got up to put on underwear. lay back down. got up to retrieve shorts. lay back down. received a text. had to reply. thought about drinking water. couldn’t be bothered. needed to remind housemate about that thing. couldn’t be bothered. googled typhoid. read article about pigeon photography. got up to get water. lay back down. drank three mouthfuls of water. lay back down. decided just to text housemate about that thing.